What have I done?

Well this week as been very horrible to say the least. I did somethings I am not proud of and I regret it. Well the week started off just fine after a amzing weekend and week before that. I finally found someone that I might want to date. You all know his name and like him its Colby of course. We had amazing weekend with each other at Ybor for pride. Well during this week Ben had his friend CJ come over. Well while in my chat CJ comes in and starts massaging me and then it turns into kissing from there I end up getting topped by him. Well the sex was not that good cause he was my concerned at what angle the camera was at than pleasing me. Afterwards I felt so guilty even though me and Colby wasn't dating I still felt as if I had just cheated. So as soon as I got clean I called Colby and told him to come over that we needed to talk. He got here and I sat in his car and told him straight up that I had sex with someone else. Well someone had already told Colby this before he even got there, but he wanted to see what I was going to say and if I was going to try and lie which I didn't. Colby was hurt and angry. I was hurting knowing I hurt him like I did. I have always been the one that has been the one hurt never did I think I would be the one that would be hurting someone as amazing as Colby. So I was so depressed that I did it to him. He ended up going home after I told him, but came back and stayed with me. The only reason I still might have a chance with him is because I told him the truth. So after that he came back over on Wednesday. He joined me in chat before he left for Orlando. After He left one member kept picking at me knowing that I was already upset for what I had done that he wanted to fuel the fire. I ended up crying in chat yes I cried in chat. Well Colby hasn't been back since Wednesday he told me that he just needs time to think and be by myself away from me. So as you guys can imagine I am really sad and down for this. Well Thursday Rich took me and Ben to Busch Gardens to ave fun. It was really fun but I didn't have as much fun as I could have if I didn't have Colby on my mind the whole time. Well the Friday was my day off and all I did is Sleep I really didn't want to even get out of bed cause I just feel like a complete fuck up. Saturday just did it for me its like the world wanted to make my last day of the week as sad an d depressing as it could. I got a phone call from my Maw Maw my dads mom and was told my dad was in a wreck and would never walk again. She was just telling me all the things that was going on with him and I just broke down. I thought to myself why me and at that moment I didn't have anyone to comfort me or at least the person that i really wanted to be here with me COLBY. So I cried for like 2 hours. As of right now I am just really Blah and in a dazed state. I hope everything gets better I really can't take much more sad news. Well thats it guys for this week of my life. See you next week. PRAY FOR ME.