Whoa!! What a Week.

Well this week as been very drama filled as have the past few weeks. Since CJ has arrived it has not been the same to say the least. CJ certainly mixed things up around here in CBL. Well lets dive in to my week and let me lay it out for you guys. So I have decided to give my two weeks noticed into Zac as you all know I made the announcement on Tuesday night in my chat. Now its official I am leaving after I told Zac on Wednesday during the meeting. Guys don't worry this isn't the last you will see of me I am leaving on good terms so I will be doing guest chats and still coming down to CBL every now and then. I am going back to live in Orlando with my best friend and to live a life that isn't as boring everyday and I can actually do something everyday. So lets talk about why I am leaving now my reason is actually something I am going to stand by whether people agree or not its not their choice and they don't know how it makes me truly feel. So okay guys this is what went down from the past week and a half. I have been talking to this guy named Matt and have been for about two weeks. Well the other week when me and Cj went out together he was coming there to meet me and dance. So I was the polite guy and introduced him to Cj. Well that Thursday after Cj went to home after the bathouse back to Orlando he apparently hung out with Matt at the club cause he saw him. CJ also gave him his number and made the effort to talk to him more than a friend. So when Cj comes back Sunday that week he tell me he is just going to hang with him that's it. Well he lied to me cause I found out he went on a date with him. So this is where I am mad and pissed. A "friend" isn't suppose to go after a guy you are interested in in any way shape or form. So Cj in his defense says well you haven't even been talking to him that long. Well my response is that it shouldn't matter if i was talking to him for a day a friend isn't suppose to go after him knowing I like him. So some of the members want to say that I did the same thing to been but I didn't its not the same at all. What happened between me and Cj was just sex. Ben had his chance and chose to answer a call form a ex that he said he doesn't even like. If Ben wanted CJ so bad he wouldn't have answered. Now back to what I was saying some of the members agree with me and some don't. So this week ended me finding out that Matt told CJ to basicly get lost cause from what Matt told me he saw what Cj was doing and isn't into games. Well this why I am leaving and its not cause of cbl its because I don't think i could live in the house with him without it being soooo intense. So besides that thats all I can say about why I am leaving. Well we recently had a app named Effrian. He was super cool and fun. He got into cbl very quickly adn wasn't that shy about it. I am hoping he makes the cute but if not I will def stay in contact with him. So there you have it guys my week of DRAMA once again.

A better week,

This week has been better for sure. It started off boring, but it got better on Tuesday. Me and CJ went out together to G bar to have some fun because of being bored. We asked the others if they wanted to go Ben said no and Robbie was said sure if you want to carry me to the car after my chat so we thought that was a no. so we left apparently he was kiddingand really wanted to go. Well nedless to say he deffinitly over reacted about the whole thing. I thought he was being really childish but he had is own fun giving Ben his first facial. Well me and Cj met ex cblDakota at the club. he was a very interesting person. I will say one thing he did not shut up at all. Well as the night goes on dakota signs me up for the Strip contest which Ididnt really feel like doing but did it anyways. Well I won it eventhoughI thought for sure I wouldn't. I got a $100 bar tab in which I couldnteven use. Well that was until Dakota took me to the bathroom and gave me his 21 band so I could drink. I drink a good bit before I left enough to get me tipsy. We got home and went to bed, I slept ok that night but had bad nightmares. So as you guys alll know there is no more Colby. Colby won't ever be back because he cares more about what his friends think of him and not what he feels for me. I have to say I am still sad that I don't get to be with him anymore but I guess I dont really need someone like that anyways. So I have been talking to another guy and I hope it goes somewhere if not thats ok. Well Wednesday was a big day and the house was totally full. We had the new app in and he is really cool. His first night here was a blast they got drunk and wrestle all over the place. We had a amazing time at waffle house afterwards. Well I knew we had to be up at 10 the next morning to do podcast before we headed to the bathhouse for our photoshoots. Well because of Cj and Eff I didnt get to sleep until after 6. So at 10 when I got up I was beyond tired. SO we spent all day at the bathhouse doing photoshoots walking around town shopping. Well I was last to chat that night at 10 while everyone else headed to the club without me. When I got finish I went and danced my night away til like 2 we all packed up and left. We went to waffle House for food and then to hoe after 4 I didnt get to bed until 5. So because of the lack of sleep I was extremely sick on Friday. I hated the feeling. I had to even give up the rest of my chat to Ben because of how awful I was feeling. I took medicine for it and pasted out. Well Saturday I felt a little better and got to hang with garrison the guy Cj likes. Now for everyone to know CJ gave my number to Garrison so he could come hangout cause he was bored. Well me and Garrison ended up going to go get food cause we were hungry. Well that ended up being a big ole mess. Cj was over reacting about it and it just caused unwanted dramam for all 3 of us that I was not cool with. Well I am glad Cj called and apologized later that night so me and him are still friends. Sunday was the same ole same ole. Cleaning and getting all this work done before the end of the day. Which I did now I am getting ready for the 2nd View with everyone hope u guys enjoy it.

UGHHH!!!

Well this week was better than last I can say that for sure. Last week was terrible. All that drama with CJ and Colby then my dads situation. I hated last week with a passion. This week was better though I am over the whole CJ thing and me and him are friends. I still don't agree with his and Robbie's choices, but everyone makes mistakes I did. I made up with Colby as everyone knows when he came back Tuesday. I gave him his flowers and he loved them. He told me that he missed me and that made my day I smiled again. He was just trying to put me through it for hurting him the way I did. I cant blame him for doing it either. I missed him like crazy and was so good to hold him and kiss him again. Well Wednesday Zac came down and CJ came here late Tuesday night. Well drama came with CJ. He ended up in Robbie's bed and I had told Robbie not to put himself in that position. He did it anyway I was really disappointed in him. Well we started our usual routine on Wednesday with the meeting with Zac and Jinx on the Cam. We learned that we have a trip coming up and we don't know what it is til the day we go. I am super excited to see what Zac has planned for us. I am thinking its a trip to Wet and Wild that would be fun. I really have no idea though. After our meeting me Ben and Zac went to Wal-mart to go do a little shopping. I did my chat that night with Colby in it with me. After my Chat we decided to go out and go to Ybor. We went out only for a short period of time, but during that short period Colby got really drunk. We came back and ended up in the cold pool. I got out and ended up in the bath alone I was kinda upset that he didn't join me. He was having a heart to heart with Robbie apparently about CJ. After that He laid on the couch and I did my best to take care of his sweet self and put him to bed. He had to get up and go to school that morning so Thursday i was off chat so I did mostly nothing. we ended up going out Thursday night like always I had fun cause for once I had someone that could dance almost as good as I could. CJ can dance and is not afraid to get on stage with me. We had fun they all ended up going to Castle but I stayed at The social and dance with my other friends. It was so much fun even though I wished Colby was there. Friday Colby came back other and we spent the day with each other all day. It was nice to just be around him. I want to tell you guys how he makes me feel even though I have only known him a short time. His smile is so sweet and beautiful and he likes me for me. He likes to be around me and even though I hurt him he trust me me still. His jokes and remarks are so funny. I love that he likes to wrestle and get down and dirty. He is just as romantic as me and that's why I am so attracted to him. So as of Saturday night my day had gone really good. Me and Robbie had a blast in his chat and was covered in chocolate syrup dancing. We ended up going out to the club to celebrate his tips he got. While at the club I got a text from Colby saying he was never coming to CBL again because his friends were treating him bad just cause he came here. My heart kinda sunk. I have tried talking him into not caring what others think but I guess that's not going to happen I feel so hurt that I tried to make up with him and got him back in my arms just for him to be ripped away again. It really sucks and I really hate it. I cried in chat today because of it I just can't stand the thought of not getting to see his face and smile anymore. I hoping he may change his mind. I am JUST HOPING FOR IT!!!!!!! =(

What have I done?

Well this week as been very horrible to say the least. I did somethings I am not proud of and I regret it. Well the week started off just fine after a amzing weekend and week before that. I finally found someone that I might want to date. You all know his name and like him its Colby of course. We had amazing weekend with each other at Ybor for pride. Well during this week Ben had his friend CJ come over. Well while in my chat CJ comes in and starts massaging me and then it turns into kissing from there I end up getting topped by him. Well the sex was not that good cause he was my concerned at what angle the camera was at than pleasing me. Afterwards I felt so guilty even though me and Colby wasn't dating I still felt as if I had just cheated. So as soon as I got clean I called Colby and told him to come over that we needed to talk. He got here and I sat in his car and told him straight up that I had sex with someone else. Well someone had already told Colby this before he even got there, but he wanted to see what I was going to say and if I was going to try and lie which I didn't. Colby was hurt and angry. I was hurting knowing I hurt him like I did. I have always been the one that has been the one hurt never did I think I would be the one that would be hurting someone as amazing as Colby. So I was so depressed that I did it to him. He ended up going home after I told him, but came back and stayed with me. The only reason I still might have a chance with him is because I told him the truth. So after that he came back over on Wednesday. He joined me in chat before he left for Orlando. After He left one member kept picking at me knowing that I was already upset for what I had done that he wanted to fuel the fire. I ended up crying in chat yes I cried in chat. Well Colby hasn't been back since Wednesday he told me that he just needs time to think and be by myself away from me. So as you guys can imagine I am really sad and down for this. Well Thursday Rich took me and Ben to Busch Gardens to ave fun. It was really fun but I didn't have as much fun as I could have if I didn't have Colby on my mind the whole time. Well the Friday was my day off and all I did is Sleep I really didn't want to even get out of bed cause I just feel like a complete fuck up. Saturday just did it for me its like the world wanted to make my last day of the week as sad an d depressing as it could. I got a phone call from my Maw Maw my dads mom and was told my dad was in a wreck and would never walk again. She was just telling me all the things that was going on with him and I just broke down. I thought to myself why me and at that moment I didn't have anyone to comfort me or at least the person that i really wanted to be here with me COLBY. So I cried for like 2 hours. As of right now I am just really Blah and in a dazed state. I hope everything gets better I really can't take much more sad news. Well thats it guys for this week of my life. See you next week. PRAY FOR ME.