Boys cant become men until they are ready.

Well this week started off pretty shitty I must admit. I thought it was actually gonna be great especially on Monday. So as usual we had our meeting and did the cleaning. I got special chats reinstated. Special chats are what I have called them. Because we used to be able to move around with a laptop chat cam. That stopped after ppl kept breaking it. So now we use our own computers if we want to do a chat room a different room. We get one a week. This is a great thing one because I know a lot of members missed the bubble bath chats I did. Also my shower dances. So thats def a win for THE GAY REAL WORLD. I did a test run not during my chat time to see how it worked. It worked out great. I later ended up at Wes's which is like my sister now and his mom my mom. Now things get a little depressing. Brian's Birthday was on Tuesday. So I need up going over on Monday night ARRIVING AT 12:02 Tuesday morning. 2 mins into his birthday. I bought him flowers and a gift. We snuggled on the sofa watching TV which was bliss. Then it was time to go lay down and things changed :(. He just decided that we were moving to fast and that we should be friends only. I was so beyond hurt it wasn't funny. So that morning I left and went to Wes's to rest better since I slept horrible next to a guy who didn't want to be with me anymore. Got up and met everyone at Ybor for the The Gay Real World video shoot.  Got that down which was fun was my first video shoot for the site since they started it. I went back to Wes's and chilled there for my last day off. Well Thursday was interesting because I ended up going to Wes's after my chat just to chill with him and Momma Bev. I get pulled over because the CBL cars tag had expired. Well I wasn't gonna drive back to CBL after just getting a warning. Wes was going to drive me the next morning back to cbl to get the sticker but Wes was loopy for pain meds for his tooth so he couldn't drive. So I drove the CBL car home chancing it. It was better to do in daylight than early morning. This means I missed curfew. I got in trouble so I cant drive for a week. Well on the plus side Vayne ended up coming over Friday and me and him made up as we should been friends too long. We went out to Ybor with Wes had a blast and then I came home. Where I ended up staying up all night because a couple of old friends from Orlando happen to be in town and decided to come over.  we hung out and chatted for hrs and hrs. We all decided to go to Flamingos for a couple hrs before I had to get back for chat. It was fun but hot as hell. I loved seeing my good friends that havent seen in a long while it did me some good. I got home did my chat was in a great bubbly mood. Matt joined for a few so we could do some beer tastings. 3 out of the 4 Beers were good enough for me to drink. The 4th was gosh awful. Thats my week in a nut shell besides a few dramatic drama times with Jeff which was stupid to begin with. Like my heading says Boys cant become men til they are ready. Im a man i have change over a long period of time. Some of the others need to step back and look at themselves because the face the show to everyone is that of a childish boy without any hint of a man.

Pride and Hurt all in a Week!

This week has been pretty much boring as hell. Not much happened. So im not even sure what to write about really. I guess I could start with Wednesday and go from there because that basically the only time I started doing things this week. I went out with Wes to Ybor for the Finals of So You Think You Can Drag. Chocolate Yum Yum was in the finals as was Sasha. Chocolate Yum Yum won and I must say it was a night full of crazy performances. I love Wednesday At Southern Nights in Tampa because its 10 dollars all you can drink. Me and Wes left before last call as normal . Went home and drank some more ended up pulling a all nighter. we did end up taking a small nap and then get a call that Eric was on his way to town. Well Eric got here I didn't see him til Saturday get to that soon. Me and Wes also went out on Thursday for all you can drink at Bradleys which is great too. It wasn't as fun but still had a good time. I Came home that evening and went to lunch with Zac, Zach, and Matt. After Matt, Zach, and I bonded over video games. Matt kicked our asses. I was suppose to go with Eric to Orlando to watch him get his tattoo but did feel up to it. So I ended up seeing him on Saturday which is what I am about to get into. I would like to say that my chats have been fun for the most part this week. I have danced a whole lot. Even had a unplanned get together one night that kinda sent me and Jason into a verbal argument. Brian came over with friends that night which I cant remember what night it was. It was quiet and fun once Jason went to bed. Anyways back to Saturday. I got up and got ready to head to Pride with Eric. We left about 3 in the evening got there and it took us forever to get parked. Once we got parked we walked around finally deciding to get some food. We ate at a extremely get place Called Urban Comfort. We ran into Spencer which was totally fun. I got tons of lute from the Pride Parade which didn't start til 8:30. I didn't even get to finish the Parade because of chat so I had to leave early. So everyone was pretty great except one little thing that still has me sad and depressed. Brian has been so weird and not wanting to see me. Idk why but it hurt that he mad no effort to come find me when all day I was trying to find a moment to meet him once he got there. I cant really write to much on it cause I have no idea why it happen it just did. I can tell you that I am sad and feel very lonely inside. Having him in my arms was so nice even if it was for a short period of time. He was so different than most guys I have had a interest in a long time. So idk what to say or do. idk if it was because of me or was it him not knowing how to handle something of his own. I do know that I cant stop thinking of him and I don't want to go to sleep knowing I might not get to hold him anymore. with that said Im sorry there isn't any pictures this time around I just didn't have the heart to put things into it. My heart is a little broken not because I was in love or anything but because I thought I had found something that would be worth loving in time.

A Week of Healing and Love!

Well I have to say even though this week has been still filled with sadness and hate it also have been filled with a overwhelming amount of love. So lets begin with the start of this week. We had the weekly meeting and cleaning. After I was done with my things on Monday I had both Monday and Tuesday off of chat. I was gonna wait for Brian to come over and spend time with me, but couldn't wait any longer I had to get to a place where I felt like I truly knew someone. So I went to see my family not by blood, but by LOVE. I finally was able to rest, eat, and let out what I had been numb to. I stayed there both of my days off because it just felt right to be with them. Wednesday before I left to come back home they gave me things that they have collect or that has been in their family for awhile. They gave me knickknacks and little figurines. Mudder(the grandma) gave me an antique perfume bottle as well as a lot of little Lighthouses that I decorated the bathroom with. Maw (Mother Wanda) gave me a very unique Dream Catcher that she has had for like 25 yrs. So they gave all that to me and before we said goodbye I took a picture with ppl I call family and love.
I got home Wednesday evening did my chat and was suppose to eat a dinner that Jason cooked, but I ended up cooking it myself. Brian did end up coming over that night although it was late. We stayed up for a while just relaxing and such. I had a little tiff with Jason when he started to try and show Brian my past CBL pictures after I asked him not to nicely. I had to tell him to slow his roll and pull that E Brake. He got a attitude with me so me and Brian decided to go to bed. He ended up calling Brian Sloppy seconds which was totally uncalled for and disrespectful to the MAX! If he EVER says something like that to someone who doesn't deserve it he will regret it because the rest of his time here will be torture if I have anything to do with it.


Moving on from that. After we woke up Thursday Brian took me on a lunch date to eat sushi and enjoy our day together. I was later asked by Zac if I wanted to do a interview with a UK radio talk show about the Orlando Shooting. I agreed and it went well I had to hold back tears, but it was good to share my feelings. I did the interview at Wes's place so us 3 could hang together for a bit. I came home did my chat with Brian the first half and alone the second half. lol Brian really is not totally shy and gets into what the members say which I really like.  He seems to like being around me so I hope thats a good sign. He have known each other since right before gay days and still have not seen each other naked. I think that's a huge plus =).

fun little pic of me and my cousin

Well after chat on Thursday Brian and I got ready to go out with Wes to Ybor sadly Brian's wallet was stolen and usually he can get in because he knows the door guy. However with all that has happen that was a no go. So instead we grabbed some beer and went back to Wes's house for a bit and had our fun. We got home a little after 3 and just pulled a all nighter because why the hell not. We ended up going out to get breakfast before heading back to Wes's to lay by the pool. I passed out with my head in Brian's lap after the pool from being so tired. Welp Brian went home cause he had to work and I haven't seen him since then which was Friday afternoon. Wes brought me home joined me for a cig and left. I did my chat talked about things that had been going on in Orlando which has been amazing with all the love coming from all over the place. Even bikers coming to help block the Westbrro church ppl from spewing hate at the funerals of the beautiful souls that where taken. after my chat on Friday Wes convinced me to go to HoneyPot in Ybor. This was my first night back in a club since all this happened and it was quite nerve racking to say the least. My heart raced and my eyes darted through the smoke light filled room making sure I see everyone's movement as best I can. I eventually calmed down a little not much, but enough to help. Thanks to Wes for pushing me to go and FIGHTING the FEAR!!! Saturday was literally the first day in weeks I didnt have plans or have Brian over. I had the house to myself after pulling another all nighter and going to bed around 9 am. I woke up at 4 on Saturday to find out both Jeff and Jason were gone. Matt is still on vaca Im ready for him to be back. So back to my day of peace and relaxation. I was able to dance around the house and clean it up like I like. Finished up decorating my walls in bedroom. however closer to the end of the day I started to get stir crazy lol.

Being busy the last couple weeks has spoiled me. I made it through it. My chat was fun as I had energy again. I danced my ass off through most of it! Here it is Sunday and I dont have much planned but obviously doing my Written Diaries and my chat. So here is to all the ppl that were lost and injured I SEND MY LOVE TO YOU!!!

Cruise Week into becoming a CBL Boy again. Gay Days followed by a Tragic event.

Well this is my first written diary in quite awhile since my last time as a CBL boy. I think it has been about 5 yrs not certain. I'm covering a lot so I apologize if its too much for you to read. I'll start with Cruise Week. So I applied to do cruise week and was accepted to do it which I was totally excited for, but I almost didn't come because my job cut my hrs and bills come before adventure. I told Zac this and he put me at ease that food and LIQUOR would be provided until it was used up. I was BACK in for it. 

Well then another bomb hit, I was told I couldn't stay with the ppl I was living with because they found out what CBL was and didn't approve. So I ask Zac as a friend would he allow me to become a CBL boy again and he agreed, but with catch of course. The catch was he would hold my tips til he got 500 dollars as like a deposit so if I leave before my time is up he keeps it, but If I stay get it back. Kinda a win win situation. Ok now for the good stuff. Cruise Week was more like the WEEK FROM HELL for me. I have matured passed the drama and bullshit. All that happened that week was BULLSHIT! They all fought every night and I made sure to take advantage that i didn't have a curfew. I would leave and stay away from most of the fights and Drama. When i was present during the drama I pretty much just watched as they acted like fools. There was only one night that I got into it physically which was with Dakota....YUCK! However because ppl were in the way I didn't get to actually lay my hands on him. This all could have been avoided had Jesse the Drama Thief not invited the douchebag in the first place. Anyways moving on That night also saw a secret party to have OLS Rich over since the CBL car broke and Rich drove to Tampa to see us boys each of us he has been apart of our life. So we tried to hide him off cam....#FAIL lol. We were caught, but to my surprise Zac wasn't totally pissed he was a tad ticked, but he understood at where we as boys who care for Rich were coming from. The last few days were just a mess with things coming up missing and a 3 hr fist fight between Jesse and Angel that was sooo ridiculous. So me and Wes just let them go at it. Which reminds me Wes was basically my savior that week. He got me away from the crazy fuckers and took me out to have a GREAT time. 

 Well obviously Cruise week came to a end THANK GODNEY(Britney Spears) lol. I won 2 of the 3 challenges not that I needed it really. I won the free cruise YAY!  Then we let everyone know I was the new roommate of CBL. Well that same day which was Saturday June 4th Wes and I took off to Orlando for Gay Days. Neither of us had been in 5 yrs and our first time was boring because we were to shy and basically stood back from everything. This time however, WE EFFIN LET LOOSE! For the first few hrs we just bopped around scoping out the place(MEN) lol. Had a few beers before running into PowerRangerMatt  which was soo horrible lol. EXIT STAGE LEFT! We eventually ran into the whole TRAMPA crew. Which took the fun to a new level. I have never had so much fun in a such a long long time especially at a big Gay Event. We barely slept, drank to much, and have memories to last us forever. The Pool party was great and the BIg BLACK DICK DRINK fucked me good. Overall that weekend is one for the books! I did happen to see someone I met for a brief moment during Cruise week. His name is Brian and he is super sweet, but more on him in a few. 

Being surrounded by so many fun ppl was the most rewarding of the weekend though. They all made me feel like I had friends again. They made me feel included and not just a tag along. So to all my BOYS THANKS!

 Well Gays Days had to end and we all had to return back to reality from what seemed like a dream. My first week as a Official CBL boy again was pretty mellow for the most part. I arranged 2 get togethers this week one was just grilling with Chocolate Yum Yum aka Black Brandon, Wes, Jeff, and Brian. We all goofed off had like a beer or 2 just to chill not even trying to get a buzz. The next get together again with no drinking was with IQMatt, Jeff, Peter, and Brian. We played video games as a group with no fighting no drama and WITHOUT LIQUOR! So now onto Brian no pun intended ;) lol. I met him during cruise week for just a sec before they left to go home after partying at CBL which I wasn't there til that morning.  We met again at Gay Days and basically was around each other for the rest of that time. He has stayed the night a few times and we like each other enough that we haven't discussed things like who is Top/Bottom/Verse nor have we seen each other naked. We enjoy each others company so much that those things aren't even important. I did buy him flowers to which I found out that he had never gotten any from someone which is sad, but makes me feel good that i got to give him his first ones.
 I hope to see more of him which means you guys can see more of him. So with the weekend of Gay Days feeling like a dream we had to wake up from this weekend ended in a NIGHTMARE we cant wake up from. =( On Sunday morning June 12th at 2 am in Orlando at Pulse night club a mass shooting happened. I literally have had like 2 hrs of sleep since Saturday morning. I couldn't eat or drink anything. I could barely talk I was numb at what I was reading and hearing. As the names rolled in through the day and throughout the night I felt more numb. Many ppl that I have known are gone or injured badly. Pulse was the first Club I went to when moving to Orlando 6 yrs ago. I basically have met majority of the ppl that go out there. To know that had Myself and Wes not changed plans last min we could have been on that list of victims. The shooting took over 50 lives making it the WORST mass shooting in US History all right here in our community. The only positive side to this tragic event that took us all by our hearts and ripped them apart is that the amount of LOVE and SUPPORT coming from ALL over the WORLD! The picture below is of London adn thats over 10,000 ppl gathering to show support and love to us here that have been affected by this.

 I will say that Im deeply in shock that this even happened and to know the dance floor  where I once stood and danced was the place where ppl I knew took their last breaths. All the tears and loss is still too much to deal with so Im gonna end it here. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it for you guys. XOXO

im back like a bad penny

I am baccck

A trip of my own and Charlie's

Well this week was absolutely fun for me and Charlie. Well after the stuff we had to do on Tuesday. Like cleaning, meeting, boi talk, and podcast with Zac me and Charlie loaded up and headed to Orlando. Head to make a short detour to take the guy I had over Jon to his house. So anyways after we dropped Jon off we got gas and was on i-4 to Orlando. I made pretty good time driving like ninety-five the whole way. We got to Orlando got settled in the hotel then went to Amy's to chill for a bit. Then came back to get ready for Pulse. Saw Jinx and Kai ja and other friends too. Charlie made out with drunk MATT. I talked with my future roommate about stuff. Then we got up and went home after getting food. Me, Charlie, Jinx, and Tyler chilled and smoked K-2 all night. the following day we slept most of the day got up rode around town. I took The boys out I stayed in. Just Jinx and Charlie came back though. We then went and got Kai ja and brought her over and we all smoked. We all were having fun laughing Kai ja and Charlie ended up doing stuff. Also gave Kai ja the other Britney ticker. She was so excited. Took everyone home then jinx and them left as well. Me and Charlie got the ok that Charlie does his chat from Orlando which was good so we stayed an extra night. So we went over to Rich's place. Thank god that Adam wasnt there didn't want it to be awkward. Well Charlie did his chat from there. He was all over Tom and even had Dakota come in and do somethings with lol. Charlie was just on a roll this week. Well I took Charlie and Dakota to Revolution and went back to hotel. I was suppose to hang with my friend but he never called. So later I picked up Charlie and as always Dakota would not shut the hell up. Got back and Kai ja wanted me to come to her place to chill and smoke k-2 so we did and watched the glee finale. Figured out that one of her roomies was a guy that wants to fuck me. He is deffinately a hottie. So i go back to the hotel get rest wake up pack up and check out. I make Charlie drive and we take Dakota home thank god lol. We drive back make good time enough time for me to get a nap, I do my chat and let everyone know I am not renewing and start laying it down real for people. When my contract is up I am moving to Orlando getting my own apartment with roomies though. Thats about ti this week Gay days next week.

Another Week.

So this week has mostly been just me here even though I had a guest over. Yea I had the whole has to myself for three days this week. Zac, Vayne, Kenny, and Charlie all went on the CBL road trip to Tennessee to see Vayne's first boyfriend and love. I stayed behind for a few reasons. One it was going to be crowded in that SUV for a ten hour trip. Second I really didn't want to see all that drama go down Vayne having Kenny now and going to see Patrick that had to be drama in its self. Third Tennessee is where I live when I was sent to the boys home for 2 years of my life. I hate that state with a passion. That state brings back bad memories that I don't like to think about ever really. So Zac let me stay here. Well I had planned on going to Orlando for the days I was here by myself cause I had days off. However my plans fell through and I actually couldn't well I could, but it wouldn't have been much fun for me. So I stayed back and after chat on Wednesday I went and got my friend Mason. Mason has been here before he was a guy that David brought over here when he lived here. Apparently Mason didn't say anything, but found me attractive more the other guys, but was there with David so didn't say a thing to anyone. So when we decided to hangout this week. We came back here watched a few movies and went to bed. He started out cuddling then one thing led to another and we were playing. That's all me did though is play not anal sex was had between the two of us. After we cuddled and went to sleep. Woke up and then took him to work. Came back home cleaned up played games until time for Mason to get off went back and got him. We watched a few movies and stayed up late playing around not sexually just like tickling and stuff lol. Mason is a really sweet cute boy. He is fun to be around and has a great sense of humor and has a funny adorable laugh. Me and him on Friday went to the movies and watched Madea's Big HAppy Family it was soooo funny. I took him home came back. Me and Matty M went out to Ybor and had some fun at the club came back stayed up watching tv and went to bed. The boys all came back from there trip and told me about things they did. I had chat last night it was interesting Vayne came in and expressed himself about the drama with him and Jean about the whole aids thing. I expressed myself right back. I believe I got through to him cause he ended up apologizing to Jean and now they are starting over. One more piece of information that I got this week. Adam myt ex and ex cbl boy emailed me on facebook this week saying he missed me and thought of me often and was sorry that he hurrt me and how stupid he was for getting back with Matt. I ooked at the message laughed and deleted it didn't even respond I am over you Adam get over me.