A trip of my own and Charlie's

Well this week was absolutely fun for me and Charlie. Well after the stuff we had to do on Tuesday. Like cleaning, meeting, boi talk, and podcast with Zac me and Charlie loaded up and headed to Orlando. Head to make a short detour to take the guy I had over Jon to his house. So anyways after we dropped Jon off we got gas and was on i-4 to Orlando. I made pretty good time driving like ninety-five the whole way. We got to Orlando got settled in the hotel then went to Amy's to chill for a bit. Then came back to get ready for Pulse. Saw Jinx and Kai ja and other friends too. Charlie made out with drunk MATT. I talked with my future roommate about stuff. Then we got up and went home after getting food. Me, Charlie, Jinx, and Tyler chilled and smoked K-2 all night. the following day we slept most of the day got up rode around town. I took The boys out I stayed in. Just Jinx and Charlie came back though. We then went and got Kai ja and brought her over and we all smoked. We all were having fun laughing Kai ja and Charlie ended up doing stuff. Also gave Kai ja the other Britney ticker. She was so excited. Took everyone home then jinx and them left as well. Me and Charlie got the ok that Charlie does his chat from Orlando which was good so we stayed an extra night. So we went over to Rich's place. Thank god that Adam wasnt there didn't want it to be awkward. Well Charlie did his chat from there. He was all over Tom and even had Dakota come in and do somethings with lol. Charlie was just on a roll this week. Well I took Charlie and Dakota to Revolution and went back to hotel. I was suppose to hang with my friend but he never called. So later I picked up Charlie and as always Dakota would not shut the hell up. Got back and Kai ja wanted me to come to her place to chill and smoke k-2 so we did and watched the glee finale. Figured out that one of her roomies was a guy that wants to fuck me. He is deffinately a hottie. So i go back to the hotel get rest wake up pack up and check out. I make Charlie drive and we take Dakota home thank god lol. We drive back make good time enough time for me to get a nap, I do my chat and let everyone know I am not renewing and start laying it down real for people. When my contract is up I am moving to Orlando getting my own apartment with roomies though. Thats about ti this week Gay days next week.

Another Week.

So this week has mostly been just me here even though I had a guest over. Yea I had the whole has to myself for three days this week. Zac, Vayne, Kenny, and Charlie all went on the CBL road trip to Tennessee to see Vayne's first boyfriend and love. I stayed behind for a few reasons. One it was going to be crowded in that SUV for a ten hour trip. Second I really didn't want to see all that drama go down Vayne having Kenny now and going to see Patrick that had to be drama in its self. Third Tennessee is where I live when I was sent to the boys home for 2 years of my life. I hate that state with a passion. That state brings back bad memories that I don't like to think about ever really. So Zac let me stay here. Well I had planned on going to Orlando for the days I was here by myself cause I had days off. However my plans fell through and I actually couldn't well I could, but it wouldn't have been much fun for me. So I stayed back and after chat on Wednesday I went and got my friend Mason. Mason has been here before he was a guy that David brought over here when he lived here. Apparently Mason didn't say anything, but found me attractive more the other guys, but was there with David so didn't say a thing to anyone. So when we decided to hangout this week. We came back here watched a few movies and went to bed. He started out cuddling then one thing led to another and we were playing. That's all me did though is play not anal sex was had between the two of us. After we cuddled and went to sleep. Woke up and then took him to work. Came back home cleaned up played games until time for Mason to get off went back and got him. We watched a few movies and stayed up late playing around not sexually just like tickling and stuff lol. Mason is a really sweet cute boy. He is fun to be around and has a great sense of humor and has a funny adorable laugh. Me and him on Friday went to the movies and watched Madea's Big HAppy Family it was soooo funny. I took him home came back. Me and Matty M went out to Ybor and had some fun at the club came back stayed up watching tv and went to bed. The boys all came back from there trip and told me about things they did. I had chat last night it was interesting Vayne came in and expressed himself about the drama with him and Jean about the whole aids thing. I expressed myself right back. I believe I got through to him cause he ended up apologizing to Jean and now they are starting over. One more piece of information that I got this week. Adam myt ex and ex cbl boy emailed me on facebook this week saying he missed me and thought of me often and was sorry that he hurrt me and how stupid he was for getting back with Matt. I ooked at the message laughed and deleted it didn't even respond I am over you Adam get over me.

From Whorelando to Trampa

Ok so this week I did a lot of driving and I do mean a lot of it. I have been to Orlando and back to Ybor and to Clearwater twice. I will let you know why all the driving. So this week has been another busy fun week for me. I love having my car it lets me do so much to keep from going crazy. So anyways Me and my car took a trip to Orlando this week. Another one of my mini vacations. I went and stayed with my bestie Amy for those few days. I had off of chat Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday which means I used a vacation day. So I left Monday after I did all my cleaning and did my Podcast with Zaccie. I wasn't in this weeks Boi Talk either Zaccie let me skip it, however I did do everything else. So after I get there on Monday I got settled in and watched a few movies with Amy and we laughed and smoked (K2) and just chilled the rest of the night. Tuesday I believe I did a little bit of shopping had lunch with Amy at Olive Garden. Chilled the rest of the day at her place until she got home from work. We had a few drinks and smoked a little more and was laughing and fucked up beyond belief. Amy was laugh so hard she couldn't even talk or remember how to spell her own daughters name lol. Well after that night I slept in Wednesday me and Amy both did. I had lunch well a late lunch then was getting ready to go to Pulse with my friend Nesha. I go to the club first and see my friends and dance a little while waiting on Nesha. She finally gets there and I by her a few shots and we dance most of the night then come home eat and get ready for bed. That was the just of my few days in Orlando. I came back Thursday did my chat then got ready for Social with the boys had a ok time. Friday is where it gets nice and fun. I woke up Friday and went to get Matti. To clarify which Matti this is the same one that I always talk about and the same one that was apart of that drama with CJ. I bought him here got liquor for us and we started drinking. after chat I ended up picking up Matti and doing everything for him I even bathed him LMAO. I put his clothes on him and everything. So after we finally get Matti fully clothed and ready we head to pick up Matty M Zac's Matty. Charlie was DD as well I wanted to party for once. We go to Honey pot and have a good time just chilling come home and go straight to bed. Slept in Saturday because we were all drunk. Got up and started the day. Got more liquor for the night and we all played a drinking game in my chat. It was fun. Over all this week as been fun for me and the rest I believe Kenny is certainly spicing it up a bit. Well see you guys next week.

Fun and Productive week

Well this week has been more fun and productive as the title to this diaries says. Well lets get down into whats happened this week. The Beginning pf the week was a little boring but that's cause no clubs are open or anything. My chats this week have been amazing I am getting my groove back into my dancing after i hurt my leg from doing the splits. I would have to say dancing is what I love to do it brings me joy and I entertain others. It also helps kept my body nice and in shape so that I dont have to do the whole workout thing ha ha. So anyways one night this week I did however had to leave at 4:30 in the morning on a night I had chat which means I broke curfew. I had a good reason, but Zac apparently doesn't believe which I don't care if he does or not I help a friend out that could have got behind a wheel of a car and died. So anyways what happen My friend called me I couldn't really understand him/ He said he was drunk and couldn't find his car can I come help him. I said yes and started to rush to go find him. I would have came back home but by the time I got there found him got him in the car and got him home it was 6:30 so i just put him in bed and crashed at his place. I cam back Zac was mad at me cause I at least didn't contact him I told him I was worried about my friends well being and not to check in. I told him I would take any punishment he wants to give since I did break the rules. I did fell that Zac shouldn't have gotten on me for curfew when he let Vayne stay over at his place on a night Vayne had chat and also had kitchen duties. Isn't the point of curfew so that we will be home on came for you guys to see us. Me and Charlie thought that wasn't right, but its no big deal cause I feel good about what I did for my friend. Well onto more of my week I did stay in on Thursday when the boys all went out. I am glad I did to cause apparently it was dead there according to Zac. So I just stayed in and watched tv. I have been watching a new show called Make It or Break It. Its a show kinda like Desperate housewives, but with teen gymnastics girls lots of drama and really good. However I didn't go out on Thursday I did go out on Friday. Me, Matty M, Charlie, and Vayne went to Honey Pot. I got my hair cut before going out to Honey pot that night as well. We got there and it was packed we got V.I.P that was cool. I danced all night and had one guy trying to get into my pants then the scariest part of the night. I had a stalker like a real one. My phone gets a text and its a number I don't know with a picture of a guy I had never seen. Well the guy says he is watching me dance. I looked around for him didn't see him. Then he kept on saying he is watching me and said he would be in the bathroom in 5 mins. I was so creeped out. What creeped me out the most is that he said he was going to follow me home. As i got closer to the house he asked me where Zac lived and did I want to hang there. It was scary as hell. Anyways me and Vayne went out for a bit last night wasn't to fun but had a good time anyway dancing for a bit. Thats been about all of my week here at CBL. Fun and productive. lets see what comes next week.

Deep Feeings

So I wanted to make this dairy all about my feelings and what I have been feeling. As most of you know I recently had a hard time with the whole Adam thing. I tried to move on, but yet Tay gets hurt once more by someone I was trying so hard for showing a side you guys had not seen of me the romantic really soft side. I was waiting to say it in this diaries because it is tearing me up inside that I am getting hurt like this. I am starting to hate men actually hate them. If you wondering where all this is coming from I am about to explain it all to you. Most of you know I have been talking to and hanging out with a guy named Kyle Lambert that I really really was into and spent a lot of time and effort to showing him this. I put all my romance into doing things for him and after buying a bear and doing the romantic dinner a Zacs place with candles and roses with a home cooked meal that was a an amazing time with each other I go to ask him out after he leaves guess what I get in return. I get that I am not ready for a relationship, but I really like you a lot and love being around you. He says he wants to be single and that he should have told me this before but didnt cause he really liked me. I don't how to describe the way I felt when I read those texts from him. It hurt so bad cause out of everyone I have ever talked to and dated thas the first person I did something as big as the dinner for him. I am telling you guys this and as I type this I am hurting and having tears well up in my eyes. I feel stupid for thinking someone would appericate me and things I do. Whats worse is I don't know how to talk to someone in person about how I am feeling inside. I feel like holding it in and not showing it is best and letting it out is weakness and I can't do that right now I need to be strong for myself. Only thing is I really dont know how to anymore. There is so much built up inside of me that I have held in for so long that it's starting to effect me inside. I don't want pity from anyone although I know I will still most likely get it from people. I also know my 6 months here is getting closer to end. I want another 6 months here I need it to help me. I need to be here around people that care for me as much as some of the people do. Zac to he believes in us and wants us to do things that better us in life. He doesn't want us to fail. When the whole Adam thing went down I didn't have to say a word he came up and hugged me. I needed that more than ever and will keep needing that. I hope this show you guys a side of me I don'tt let out ever to anyone not my friends, family, boyfriends no one. So this is it for this week talk to you guys next week.

From GOOD to BAD!!

So this week was mostly great and fun for me until the Saturday when DRAMA hit the sky for me. So let s jump right into everything that's happened to me this week. Well I spent Monday and Tuesday here at the house just relaxing and getting ready to go to Orlando. I have had many guys ask me out on dates so that's exciting for me I guess. Now for the record me and Adam broke up together not a one way street we decided to move on with our lives. So with that being said I had a guy come over that I have known for a while that finally ask me to hangout with him. So he came over we chilled with Vayne and Charlie. We smoked some k2 and then went to bed and watch a little bit of Devil wears prada. Then we finally went to bed. We cuddle and made out nothing hardcore happened. His name is Kyle Lambert or Raven Infiniti. He even looks related to Adam Lambert. The picture is of Kyle btw. So onto other things. I went back to Orlando this week Wednesday and Thursday for my days off. It was 420 so I went there for that. Me, Amy, and Andrea smoked k2 all day and relaxed. Thursday was good as well went to the pool and laid out for a while. came back and just chilled. I did hangout with another guy that wanted to do something. He was cute but not dating material just good friend material. Friday came so I had to rush home for chat and get ready to party cause my friends were coming over. We got liquor and played beer pong got in trouble with the police all in all it was a great night Friday. Now for the Drama. Saturday came and Adam was to guest chat at 7 boy did he surprise us all and hurt me most of all. He had ex cbl Matt with him. You know the one that called all the members nasty old perverts. The one who said nasty things about Adam. He brought HIM of all people into chat. They had sex. The members were mad that i was even in chat but I would have seen or heard it either way. Now I don't care that he is with MAtt or whoever what I am upset is that he doesn't live here anymore at all so he doesn't have to see me or who I am dating fucking etc... He choses to come to CBL. On the other hand I do live here and have to see nad here and constantly be reminded of stuff I dont want to. Now even though we broke up it still hurts that he would do that. He even sent me a email on facebook saying he had to delete me cause he could handle seeing guys hit on me that it hurt to much. So why would he do that to me. I will be fine don't you worry but karma is a bitch and it will get you Adam. So I finish my chat and head out to Ybor with everyone. Me and andrea both get tattoos Andrea wanted to cheer me up so she bought them. LOVE HER. Thats it for this week guys see you next week. please email me if you would like to talk.

I have to move on

So this week brought me sadness more than I thought it would. It also brought me fun and a refreshing mini vacation. So lets get right into what has happen to me this week. As everyone knows and most likely feels the same as I do about it. Adam left Tuesday around noon. It was really hard to watch him leave me, but we both knew it was for the best because he wasn't happy here and we wasn't working out so no reason for him to stay. He said I was the only reason he stayed as long as he had in the first place. So he left and it was really hard I almost cried, but I was strong and pushed on. After Adam left I started getting things together to go to Orlando of a mini three day vacation. So I get everything ready before I headed to get my friend from Clear water to go with me. Yes the friend was my Mattie he came with me. No he wasn't my date and no we didn't do anything besides just sleep in the same bed. We jammed out to Britney's new album Femme Fatale all the way there. Finally get there to my friend Amy's house. Most everyone knows Amy she was the girl that came and got me the first time I left. So we was going to go out but decided to stay in and rest from all the driving. We drank a little bit smoked k2 watched movies and went to bed around 4. Get up the next day do a little shopping at the mall and eating and come back and start getting ready to go to out to Pulse. I dress my best friend up Andrea amy's Daughter. We finally get there start mingling with my friends and dancing we stay til like 2 in the morning then leave go home and have fun. We had so much fun laughing and hanging out. Next day we get up and decide to head to the beach. We go get drinks and food before leaving. Get there tan and just relax. We leave to go home and get ready for Revolution. We have fun I got to see all my friends we leave go home to get rest before I had to come back. I get back after dropping off Mattie. So coming back was so hard to do. As soon as I walked in I felt so sad I knew Adam wasn't going to be here but it was finally real that I would be here without him. I did cry a little bit in chat but thats it. I try to be strong for myself so I can move on. So I did my chat and me Charlie and Vayne went to Ybor to go out. We had loads of fun came back and just chilled. Saturday was relax day for me and thats about it. I will see you guys next week